Confidence problems inside the confidence intervals

I inhale spicy smoke, first a bit warm, and then amazingly disgusting, yet, relaxing. The still water stays silent, only the never-ending talk of never-ending people sitting on the bank of the canal vibrates through my body. My head spins - it will for another few minutes, and I suddenly feel strangely happy that I am here with friends who do not need me to say anything. They are high, with themselves, satisfied, for now.

I let my brain wander through dead-end streets, green clouds, and purple valleys, think about the bike tour through the city, bonsoairs I said to prostitutes, smiles I was gifted with from boys demanding my attention when the speed and the wind played with my hair and touched my naked shoulders, wine I drank straight from the bottle. Reset. Silence in my body.

Confidence problems, I tell her during the econometrics lecture, as I know she will understand, and will not try to convince me how pretty and amazing I am. “I have had problems with my confidence since…” I stay silent, and she whispers the end of the sentence with a question mark. It would be much simpler to just compute the 0.95 confidence for normally distributed variable.

A grown woman has a teenage problem. Almost funny. I inhale the burning smoke into my lungs again, world spins, and I realize that this is the first time in my life I do not love no one.