Perfectly ready

There is a distant slam of the door in the hallway, followed by echoing sound of steps nearing the elevator. On the construction site nearby, workers started banging against the iron bars. The Christmas tree in the corner of the room is still dipped in darkness, the gingerbread hearts that decorate it recognizable thanks to the dim street light. My consciousness is still somewhere between two states: in this world I just attempt to see the red digits of the alarm clock.

07:04

I review the last moments of my dream. The manliest out of manliest men in my everyday-life-proximity made love to me. The color of his skin is someone's else's, so is possibly his face, but my dream decided it was him.

The impression of making love before the Monday's dawn stays with me for the whole day. It disappears only with numerous other dreams that follow me each night. Just one pleasurable thought remains: that it is no more unpleasant to wake up from a dream of sleeping with another man.

Physically, I am perfectly ready for a new guy.

breakfast

whether you like it or not
you are having breakfast with me, tonight

sugary coffee, sugary toast, sugary kiss
shower-wet curls
swollen lips

nudity

whether you like it or not

leave, leave, leave me, go
insane laugh, you'll be alone
the world will loose you
no map back
do not bear heartbeats
you don't deserve

you hurt me, again, again, in my thoughts
play, repeat, forward, close
dreams
alone, so alone in the full world
lost my keys, there exists no home
whether you like it or not

cry, play, lie, and lie and lie
empty, inside,

too many commas
separations
breakfast is over for tonight
you like it or not

Almost single

Don't touch me, I roll into the smallest snail I can form, in the cornerest corner of the room, holding back the deep inhales of running tears. My world fell apart. Ten minutes ago normal, now completely lost, fairy-tale's end dating yesterday, so are my unconditionally, no-matter-what, happy mornings. So what has just happened? I do not love you echoes in my brain. And where is the almost from the title? Well, the decision is mine to take...