posledny den

este chvilu stojim v pene po clenky, z vlasov mi padaju velke kvapky, a mihalnice zachytavaju teplu, hustu paru. draha mojej cesty do sprchy je tak priezracna ako vasnive milovania vo filmoch. na tmavych dlazdicich nechavam kusky oblecenia, len predchvilou nedockavo odhodene. zarosene zrkadla, makke svetlo, biele uteraky a vzdialene tony fantoma opery ma unavuju, citim sa neskutocne daleko, neskutocne stastna, neskutocne vyrovnana, az neprijemne sama. 

robi mi caj, donesie mi ho v oblubenom hrnceku. to je moj oblubeny, vravim.

ja viem.

...

ked pridem domov, najdem si noty na tuto skladbu, zahram to nasim. 

usmievam sa.

ked pridem domov ja... ponorim sa pod hladinu vo velkej vani, nebudem jest s priborom zo skolskej jedalne a vyspim sa v makkej posteli. 

cas odist, dokoncit, co som tu zacala.

do cervena

prepisujem macroeconomicke prikladiky a popritom robim zivotne rozhodnutia.

na novorocnu party si obliekam bordove zamatove, s tymi ciernymi steklickami. vlasy budu trochu retro, s velkou ciernou maslou a ruz bude ladovo cerveny. nechtiky tiez, a mozno aj spodna bielizen. alebo ziadna spodna bielizen. hodi sa to k cervenym satam a cervenym peram.

rozhodujem sa, raz ho nekonecne lubim a moj dalsi zivot si neviem predstavit bez neho, a potom sa rozhodnem uplne opacne. mozno urobim stastnym jedneho zo zastupu adeptov - a nebudem sa pokusat o nemozne s nim. blokujem ho v chate - skor pre mna, kedze ja som zvacsa ta iniciativna pytajuc sa na pocasie alebo nejaku obmenu pocasovej konverzacie. stratilo to zmysel, jednostranne-umelo udrziavat kontakt. a potom rano otvaram email od s. ktory sa pyta ako sa mam. 

dobre, vravim si sama pre seba. 

a vraciam sa k zivotne dolezitym rozhodnutiam o cervenej.

marriages and other stuff

she was very quick to share her love stories with me. it was only two weeks we had lived together, and she told me about all (ehm, all sounds a lot - it was, of course, not) her boys. i just listened and did not even think about sharing my secrets.

minute 71 of this sweet comedy, and we are laughing on her bed, i pull a rose from my hair i picked up on todays walk and say: here we are, in your bed, finally, after three months! we break into hard laugh again, bringing tears into our eyes.

you know what? i took a screenshot of that picture of him i found online and saved it in my library, i say from nowhere. she knows my stories already and i say whatever bothers me, the smallest thing, the biggest man, or the least important thing right now.

~~but i started about the picture, or the man on it: after he took what only one man can take from you and kissed my lips one more time, since that night i have not seen him. first he left to military, then i left, and no social network search has ever generated his name. pity. until i randomly found it. its him! maybe a few extra wrinkles around his eyes, holding a wedding bouquet, polished shoes, white bow tie, dark suit, slight - even almost sarcastic - smile. so, i took a screen shot, put it in my picture library.

- k., seriously, tomorrow its three months already weve been here!

- i know, we clicked so well! even with my best girlfriend we could not spend so much time together!

i jump to her bed again. feeling nostalgic. he got married - good for him!