the man and his dog

so, his name is J. it is the only J. ive ever kissed. J. has a white bulldog who doesnt bite, doesnt bark. the dog likes me. J. does too.

and then we lay next to each other - getting know what the other is about. we touch-talk-smile-kiss. he shows me his halloween costume - seeing him being so excited about it, i have to laugh. J. is so boyish, so straight-forward, but then so manly, so sure and firm. 

i dont know if im gonna see him again. we clicked too well. 

hey, and the dog was fat and jealous 

yellow

watching the leaves pilling up, i acknowledge i was too wasteful. i did not appreciate the warmth of the summer. i wasted sunny days like it was plenty of them not thinking about the future. i did not appreciate warmth of your palms, warmth of your breath, your warmth. i did not. because it was plenty of it. 

watching the leaves under the trees, i know it will get worse. it will even come to the point they will be standing there, naked, so naked, and all i will think of will be how i wasted the good days. 

regular breathing when you are asleep creates a tiny layer of moisture on the windows. im so yellow about the winter. so yellow about the future. im one of these leaves that makes the tree naked. 

too good that once this will be just a memory. too good