can you?

closing all the windows, all the doors. i wont let any breeze in, no movement, no change, nothing unexpected. my chest is moving: up and down, or down and up - depends on when you start looking. maybe there are more things moving - the ones i cannot see. or comprehend. radio waves, signals, thoughts... who knows - who can comprehend? 

do you still give good massages? i asked him if he wanted to meet up one more time before im gone. not that he would miss me; not that he misses me now - because, well, lets be honest: he has not attempted to contact me for over a year until recently. and, the question that follows my question is if i give good massages. still. like: can you forget such a thing?

i smile. he wants to forget me; wants to promise himself that he will not, ever, think of me again - but has no reason not to. so he asks if i give good massages. sissy. 

i do give good massages. i practiced the other day. he is leaving to thailand, and that makes me... kinda indifferent. it would make me sad, because he is the one i really, but really-really liked from all these creatures called males, but it really makes me indifferent, because i know that he will think of me. i dont wanna acknowledge id miss him. so i dont. i really really liked him thou.

drinks, miss, finally?, the boy takes me to this classy and very fancy bar. we make out in the bathrooms. the next day i have an urge to email him, but i dont. in fact, i have nothing to say. he will get with me when he is ready. when he is... ready. they all are such sissies! 

heh.

makes my chest rise. up and down, down and up. in electric and magnetic waves, in beams and signals, in the thought flow i cannot really comprehend. who could?