just drafting

drafting my thoughts. nothings final yet. a boy opening the door for a girl (i can see now from my window) is not the final move of today. neither the killing me softly from pandora. a promise i will start working out tomorrow will not be fulfilled. im just drafting my thoughts.

new energy, new underwear, new spring. not final. next year, there will be another spring, another desire to wear pretty things under, another amount of sun giving the same energy. thats whats supposably called hope. 

i dont hope thou. im the one who makes the move. who brings the change.

most of the time.

 

my resume

so this is our conversation:
whats happening after you graduate?

well, im in the process of getting promoted, but they announced a freeze in expansion of management  already in january, so doubt it.
you are gonna miss home when you go to urugway, wont you?

if i do, ill announce hiring. you can send me your resume.

heh... only if you promise you give me great references.

sure i will

"the best blow job ever, great for a position of a secretary" i finished easy, like it was normal and we were lying next to each other.

you dummy :) he laughed, i saw him smiling in my mind. well, i have a secured job in urugway, at least.

milujme nedele

co sa tak usmievas? vyrusi ma z myslienok.
neusmievam! zarazim sa a poviem, ze som v praci mala konecne a smooth day. nemyslela som na pracu.
obklopena prazdnymi flasami z mineralky, dzusu, kelimku od kavy, najnovsim foreign affairs... (bordelom)... sa hram s grafmi a slovickami, skladam ich do celku, ktory som mala mat hotovy na dvanastu. nuz..
nuz, je pondelok a v pondelky mam tendenciu nerobit si tazku hlavu z nicoho. salamovat. gombickovat svet.

pondelok je totiz po nedelnom veceri. po veceri, z ktoreho zacinam modelovat prijemnu pravidelnost tajnych stretnuti.

task for my angels

so i went to sleep early. dont know why, just had that feeling it was the best thing to do. to dream and to listen to the rain being stopped by the roof. again and again. and i would wake up in that dream and i'd be on a big boat. it was our house. sailing towards sky-blue horizon. sky-blue horizon would be everywhere. everywhere where your eye decides to look. id be sailing there and everything else would be under enormous amounts of rain. 

i would miss people. miss my mom, miss my exboss, and maybe id be missing hope. and an angel. i have a plenty of them in our house thou. ill ask them to protect you, people. id miss you a lot if the rain was suddenly to take you.

vysielame pocasie

tim v kratkych rukavoch vykukaju zimomriavky. dievcata sa obliekli do pekne obrysovych siat, niektore su tmavomodre, ine maju kvietky, ukazu tvary, zenske krivky. skombinovane topanky s bluzkami vravia, ze ludia nasli niekde v hlbke energiu.

v zakulisi su prve otlaky z topanok. v zakulisi su ludia, co stale nosia dlhy pepitovy kabat, lebo si na googli nepozreli vcera pocasie. aj blede tvare z dlhej zimy, pripravene na prve teplejsie slnko.

citim si trpkost na podnebi. zvieram prazdny papierovy poharik od kavy. zobrakovi hadzem mince. strgnu. citam o vojne. nasla som kusok energie niekde v hlbke, mam velmi blede lica.

v noci, to bol iny pribeh. neskutocne prsalo, cez pootvorene okno uspavajuco, pravidelne vrncali auta. 

dnes, to je iny pribeh. linie kvapiek trochu sikmo od rovneho vytvaraju pracovne pozadie. ked nepisem, pozeram na mihajuce sa auta v pozadi pracovneho pozadia. vybuchla mi skrina a mne sa  nechce zavesit farebne saty naspat. nech len svietia do tmy.

be loved?

who wants to be a co-chair?
i do... i raised my hand and all pairs of eyes looked at that little something in the middle of the room.
perfect opportunity, perfect opportunity! the hr representative (my almost-friend) whispers more for herself than for me. im excited, but... im more excited about wearing my favorite purple jacket with puffy arms. im more excited its friday, and next week is the tenth - the last - in school. im more about thinking he has another girl. saw pictures on facebook. oh shit, kept thinking. ohshitohshit. well, at least shes really not pretty. shes in love thou - i can say. him? doubt it... kept thinking.

let him be... i kept thinking

ohshitohshitohshit

i raised my hand - yes, i will be the safety co-chair. be sucessful at least somewhere.

at work, they love me there. they really do.

busy and happy

snivalo sa mi o tmavoruzovych pivoniach. natrhala som si ich popri ceste. bolo teplo a nad asfaltkou sa nadvihoval rozhoruceny vzduch. este si pamatam ze sa mi to snivalo na stopatnastej, na polceste k nemu.

len teraz som zistila, aky je vysoky. na spickach mi to prislo trosku smiesne, ze sa prvy krat bozkavame postojacky. 

v piatok v noci mi volal danny. vraj nejaka akcia, niekoho narodeniny, ci idem. hadzali sme zlate mince do automatov cakajuc, ze nam z nich vybehne osem papierikov za kazdu padnutu mincu. vybrala som si plysoveho medveda s cervenym salom. moj jediny plysovy medved ever. nemam take uchylky - vlastnit stuffed animals. radsej mam knihy basni.

vyhrala som nad willom v ping-pongu. 2-0. neznasal to dobre, aj preto prehral. vobec som sa ho nesnazila dostat na lopatky psychickym tlakom, ani trosku. chcem mu nadvihnut sebavedomie aspon opakovanim faktu, ze ping-pong som mastila s chalanmi ked som mala desat. nepomaha. on nerad prehrava.

veziem ich domov. viem, ze som ich nadchla vodickymi schopnostami. trochu sa bali nastupit mi do auta, ale zvladam to s prehladom, co ich upokojuje. tych par fotiek zverejnim na facebook a zacnem konecne pisat cast prace o financial bail-outs.

fun stuff, fun stuff.